Second Chances
by Daisy5
Summary: Sometimes we get a second chance in life


Title: Second Chance Author: Daisy Email:e.large@talk21.com Rating: R some swearing and a hint of sex. Spoilers: ummm everything just to be safe. Disclaimer: all together now....Joss Whedon and the wonderful, if not evil, guys and gals at Mutant Enemy own all! If they were mine I'd let them have a nice holiday...possibly somewhere in the Caribbean....with cocktails. Anywho, NOT MINE!!! Distribution: You want it? You got it. Just let me know. Feedback: Yes please. Note: Ok I started writing this thinking it would be a dark emotional fic and it some how turned in to shmultz. Go figure. I had also planned to go on further with this story but it's already so damn long! Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Cordelia Chase rested her forehead against the cool tiles in her bathroom, silently cursing the fact that she'd had the fish instead of the chicken last night. Twenty minutes ago she'd felt fine, she was happily tidying up her apartment and chattering away to Dennis when suddenly the room spun and she had fallen to her knees with nausea. She had barely made it to the bathroom in time. Cordelia could feel the cold presence of her phantom house mate hovering behind her, his concern giving her comfort, not that he could actually do anything to aid the young woman, but it was soothing to know he was there. "Well this really blows." Cordelia mumbled as she dizzily got to her feet. She physically recoiled at the frightful reflection staring back at her from the mirror. Her skin was blotchy, her eyes were red and her hair was greasy. "I'm a good person, I work for the good guys, I help the helpless, so why the hell do the PTB let me get food poisoning all the time? I mean, shouldn't they be looking after one of their own?! Hmm?!" Cordelia gestured wildly at her reflection. "And now I'm talking to myself. Get a grip Chase." As she gingerly stepped in to the shower for the second time that morning her stomach began to calm down, the earth began to spin the right way again and it no longer felt like the end of the world. She was beginning to feel her normal self again, well as normal as her normal half demon self could be. Cordelia knew that the best thing for her to do was to go to the hotel and just work through the sickness. She was never the kind of girl to sit and wallow. If Cordelia had stopped and thought about things for a second instead of rushing to the hotel she might have thought about the fact that as soon as she had thrown up she felt better. That this wasn't the first morning she'd felt nauseous. That her lower back ached. That she was so hormonal she had cried at an old rerun of Dallas last night. That she was extremely late for her period.  
  
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It had been three long months since both Angel and Cordelia were taken away from the people that love them, and three glorious weeks since they had returned. Charles Gunn and Winifred Burkle had been lost with out them, even going as far as asking Wesley for help. That hadn't gone well. Gunn had leant on every source they had, and when that failed Fred finally called Lorne in Vegas.He was in a taxi before little Fred even began to explain their plight. Lorne had guessed from the hysterical heart breaking sobs that something was up back at the old homestead. With Lorne back in the fold they made a surprising lack of leeway, Gunn and Fred just felt better having him around in the hotel again. There was music in the hallways once more, and it comforted them a little. On a balmy Friday evening whilst Lorne was taking a shower, while Fred was ordering take out and Gunn was rooting through Angels broadsword collection they returned. Just like that. No big battle, no bargaining with the devil, no begging the heavens. They came back as quietly as they were taken. After three months in a clean whiteness of nothing Cordelia woke up in her own bed in her own apartment while Angel floated silently to the surface. They still hadn't worked out exactly what had happened, and to tell the truth they didn't really care as long as they were all back together again. The only things missing were Wesley and Connor, but no one spoke about that. Not out loud anyway. So, like every big trauma that happens in life, afterwards life returned to normal. And this is how things seemed when Cordelia walked in to the lobby of the hotel at nine thirty that morning. But since when had their lives been normal?  
  
"The next time I decide to have the fish can someone please smack me over the head with it." Cordelia griped as she sat down in the lobby. "Honey you look almost as green as me." Lorne said as he breezed through on the way to the kitchen. Fred laid the back of her hand on the seers forehead and frowned. "You are a little warm." Fred said concerned, ever since Cordelia and Angel had returned Fred had been playing over protective mum to them both, it was sweet, if not a little grating at times. "Fred honey, I'm fine, just a little food poisoning is all. I have prayed to the porcelain goddess and I'm feeling much better." Cordelia said as she shrugged away from the concerned Texan. "Why aren't the rest of you reliving last nights dinner?" She asked realising the rest of them had had the same fish dish as her. "Big manly man, feel no pain!" Gunn beat his chest in an over the top display of testosterone that made both Cordelia and Fred roll their eyes. "The fish was fine Cordy. No ones been sick but you." Fred's forehead creased in worry. "Well, it certainly felt like food poisoning." Cordelia pulled down on the hem of her shirt. Have I put on weight? I've been in nothingness for three months, how on earth have I put on weight? She thought to herself. "Maybe I'm coming down with the flu." Once again she shrugged it off, putting it out of her mind. "Where's our vamp this morn?" Cordelia was worried about her friend, there was a lot of that going around at the moment. A week ago she had finally got Angel to tell her exactly what had happened with Connor that night, his eyes, usually so full of emotion, had gone blank, the walls went up and Angel relayed the events as though he were giving a weather report. He had lost his son for a second time and the pain was unbearably deep. There was nothing she could say to soothe him so she had decided to just be there when he needed her. "Right behind you, morning Cordy." Angel touched her shoulder as he walked passed her and took the blood Fred had already heated for him as part of her Nurse Burkle routine. "Cordelia's Sick!" Fred said before she could stop herself. "No, really Fred, I'm fine." Cordelia sighed as she leant back in her chair and rubbed her neck. Angel knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his, kneading the soft pads of her palms with his thumbs, a small gesture of comfort he knew eased her. "Angel, don't panic, it's just the flu." She smiled to reassure him. Nothing had changed between them since that night an ocean and a sky separated them from each other. They neither moved forward or backed off. It was just the same. They hadn't spoken about the fact they were meant to meet that night. It just all went back to normal. "Maybe you should go see a doctor....you look a little..." Angel trailed off. "Beautiful, glowing, content?" Lorne butted in knowingly. "Positively ethereal I'd say." "Well I was going to go with tired." Angel frowned. He looked at the woman he loved for a long moment, she did look exhausted, but Lorne was right, she had never looked more beautiful. Her hair was a little longer and back to her normal chocolate brown colour, something that Angel was beyond grateful for, not that he had told her that. Cordelia had a sultry beauty to her, a dark sensuality that drew men to her. It drove Angel insane. Sitting before him right now she still had that, but something else was flushing her skin, making her look young and carefree. Happiness maybe. Or maybe a fever, Angel said silently to himself. He brushed his hand against her cheek and she closed her eyes at the delicate touch, delighting at the shiver that ran down her spine at the contact. Cordelia steadied herself, don't let it show, she scolded herself, don't ruin it, don't let him see how much you love him. "I think you should get some rest upstairs." Angel said in his 'don't argue this' voice. Which Cordelia ignored. "Look everyone..." She brushed off Angel's concern and stood up only to feel her legs go weak underneath her. Angel caught her long before she would have hit the floor, something he had a fair amount of training in. The room spun again as it had in her apartment and then she was out cold. "Cordy!" Fred cried as she watched her friend go limp in Angels strong arms. If the vampires heart could beat it would have broken through his chest. A familiar dread engulfed him, it was the same fear he felt when ever Cordelia had had a painful vision before she demonised herself for him, or when she got in over her head in a fight on a case. The ever-present fear that one day her body would finally betray her and he would lose her forever. Wake up Cordy wake up Cordy wake up Cordy, he repeated to himself like a mantra as he laid her down on the lobby floor, he could hear the voices of his friends around him but let them slip in to the distance. He lifted her head onto his knees and brushed the hair away from her forehead. She was warm, but not feverishly warm. "Cordy?" Angel said gently, trying to wake her. "Should we call an ambulance?" Gunn said calmly, as not to panic his Texan girl. "Sugar plum, I don't think that's going to be necessary." Lorne declared. And sure enough as he said it Cordelia began to come around. The first thing she saw was the smiling relieved face of Angel looking down at her. "Hello." She said a little disorientated. "Hey." "Why am I on the floor?" Cordelia grumbled and tried to sit up only to have Angel hold her down. "I think you fainted, just lay still for a minute Cordy." Angel frowned at the woman trying to break free from him. "Pfft, like that line has ever worked for you before." She rolled her eyes affectionately at her vampire. "When did this all start?" Angel cut to the chase. "All what start?" She shot back innocently. "Cordelia." He sighed in annoyance. Gunn, Fred and Lorne watched the two stand off against each other. This is how it was, Angel gets concerned, Cordelia shrugs it off and the two butt heads and glare. It was amusing for the rest of the gang to watch, but it meant the pair never actually got anywhere. Lorne realised it was time for him to get himself involved. "Cordelia my little sex bomb, what's the date today?" "The 17th, why on earth are you asking me the date, there's a freakin calendar there on the desk,' Cordelia muttered, still trying to sit up. "You been feeling nauseous? Back ache? More headaches than your usual demony self has? Going up a bra size? Unnaturally moody even for you?" Then it was if a light had somehow been switched on in her brain, Lorne was the only to notice and it made him smile. "Oh." Cordelia said dumbly. Gunn and Angel looked at each other in confusion, both had the look of huh? on their faces. The only sound was the quick gasp of breath from Fred as she put two and two together. "No no no no no." Cordelia shook her head and quickly moved away from Angel before he could stop her. "So completely no! Not possible!" She threw her arms in the air and paced the room. "It's just flu! I can't be pregnant!" "PREGNANT?!" Both Gunn and Angel shouted at the same time.  
  
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Cordelia sat staring at the wall, perfecting her thousand yard stare. This is not happening, was all she could think. Yet it made sense, she had all the symptoms, Fred had looked them up on the Internet and made Cordelia answer yes or no truthfully. This is not happening! Angel had become incredibly quiet, he could barely bring himself to look at her. Goddamn Groosalugg. Lorne had just shook his head and chuckled to himself before he'd left the dumbfounded four and retired to his room. They'll figure it out soon enough. Fred was gazing at Cordelia sweetly, imaging how wonderful it will be to have a baby in the hotel once again. Gunn had no idea what the hell was going on. Cordelia stood up suddenly and started to pace the floor like a caged animal, going over everything in her head a million times trying to make it make sense, but still only coming up with, this just cannot be happening. "This makes no sense! I'm not pregnant!" She cried out making everyone jump. "Maybe you should do a test, I can go and..." Fred said but was cut off abruptly. "No! I don't need a test because I'm not pregnant!" Cordelia said in complete denial. The room went silent once again. Angel couldn't stand it, he wanted to scream at the woman for being so stupid. He could hold his tongue no longer. "Did you even bother using protection at all or did you just throw caution to the fucking wind?!!" Angel growled before he could stop himself. He rubbed his hands over his face. "Excuse me?!" Cordelia spun around to face Angel, not believing what she had heard. "I can't believe you've done this. I knew that boy was trouble, knocking you up then running away. How could you let this happen?" Angels voice was getting louder and louder, completely outraged. "HOW DARE YOU ANGEL! How dare you of all people lecture me on this. I am NOT pregnant, there is no physical way I can be pregnant. And even if I were, WHICH IM NOT, it would have absolutely nothing to do with you!" Cordelia had strode over to the vampire as she shouted at him until she was inches away from him, punctuating every word with a pointed finger jab in his chest. She was breathing hard and her skin was prickling with anger. Half of Angel wanted to shake this stupid little girl and the other half wanted to hold this beautiful woman and make everything OK. Instead of doing either he sat back down and put his head in his hands. Cordelia continued pacing the floor, reeling at Angels harsh words. Her head was telling her she couldn't be pregnant but her body was telling her she most definitely was. How had she not realised how late her period was? To begin with she had just put it down to stress, but after a while it just went out of her mind, like a forgotten chore or appointment. She couldn't be pregnant. They had told her it wasn't possible for her to have children and it's not as though Doctors make a habit of lying to their patients. She had learnt to deal with it, she had known for long enough. One night of unprotected sex with a man she couldn't even recall the name of and an abortion gone horribly wrong had left her turned inside out. It was the reason she had been such a bitch for so long in high school, the reason she found it so very difficult to be in a relationship. How could she give everything to another person when she had already lost so much?  
  
"Umm even if you used protection there is still a chance...." Fred started meekly. "Dammit Fred!" Cordelia snapped. She kicked herself when she saw the young brunette jump at the reprimand. "I, I'm sorry Cordy, I was just.....I was...." Fred mumbled, hurt by her friends harsh tone of voice. Cordelia shoulders slumped and her head hung down with shame, it was an unwritten rule that no one under any circumstances shouted at Fred. She walked over to her and took Fred's hand, forcing her to look at her. "Fred sweetheart, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scream at you." Cordelia apologised. Fred smiled at the seer that she looked up to so very much, instantly forgiving her. "I think I'm going to go home." Cordelia finally decided, she picked up her bag and started towards the door, she had taken two steps before Angel had stopped her, gripping her arm tightly. "Where do you think you're going?" Angel said as calmly as he could. "Home Angel, I can't deal with this." Cordelia tried to shrug him off but Angel was having none of it. "Tough." He growled and pulled her in to the office, forcing her to sit down. "Fred go and get that test you were talking about." He shouted to her whilst continuing to scowl at Cordelia. "Angel! Stay out of this, it has nothing to do with you!" "Actually Cordelia, I'm afraid it has everything to do with Angel." Said a familiar voice from the stairs.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Gunn advanced on the hideous demon. "Hey man, how are you doing?" Skip nodded at the young man as he breezed past him. "What are you doing here?" Angel and Cordelia said in unison. "Just in the neighbourhood, thought I'd stop by." Skip grinned, when he saw the looks he was receiving from Angel and Cordelia he shrugged and rocked backwards and forwards on his feet. "Skip if you are here to tell me I'm dying or that I'm meant for some higher purpose again, you have so picked the wrong time." Cordelia slumped down in her chair. It was only eleven in the morning. Cordelia felt as though she had been here for days. Is it too early to go to bed? "Angel you had better sit down too, I've been sent by the PTB to give you guys some news." Skip said seriously, he turned to Cordelia, "You're one of the best people I've ever met Cordelia Chase, you have an inner grace that astounds me. You have been through so very much in your short life, I know things that you have told no one, not even the people you love the most. You've given so much to the good fight, and it's time we gave you something back.....you are pregnant, albeit with a little help from the people upstairs." Skip smiled warmly at the young woman in front of him. "What? You're happy with my work so you make me pregnant? What ever happened to saying well done with jewellery? Or even a fucking card?!" Cordelia shouted outraged. Skip shrank back at her anger, this isn't the response he was expecting. "She's just a child! What are the PTB thinking? She can't look after herself let alone a baby!" Angel piped up, finding it difficult to control his jealousy. "Do you know that her boyfriend left her, that the father of this kid has gone AWOL?" "Actually..." Skip started. "She is too young to be having children! Did you know this was happening?! You picked a real gem in that idiot Groosalugg, first sign of trouble and he's out the door, well done Cordelia!" Angel turned his attention on to Cordelia who was sitting silently, gazing into space. This was all too much for her brain to take in. She was pregnant and alone. Cordelia felt sick again and put her head between her knees, seeing this Fred rushed to her friend with a bottle of water. "Angel! Stop it! Cordelia doesn't need you shouting at her right now. Back off." Fred raised her voice to the vampire, something she had never done before, a stunned Gunn was so very proud of his girl. Fred brushed the hair out of Cordelia's face and made her drink a little water. Cordelia smiled weakly at her friend. "Umm....can I finish now?" Skip broke the stony silence in the office.  
  
"Please do, Skip is it?" Fred took charge of the situation. "It is, very nice to meet you Miss Burkle, we've been hearing very good things about you and Mr Gunn recently, good work." "Ummm thank you, please continue." Fred said, a little confused as to how this demon knew of her at all. "OK, I know this is a bit of a shock," Cordelia snorted at the understatement, "but you are pregnant, five weeks pregnant actually." Skip saw Angel rise to his feet about to start to shout again but silenced him with a look. Angel resumed his seat. "The champion Groosalugg isn't the father." "Dammit Cordelia, who else have you been screwing?" Angel spat out. "Hey! I'll have you know..." Cordelia snapped out of her hypnotic trance. Skip could see another fight breaking out and knew he needed to stop it before it started. "Angel is the father!" Skip shouted over the top of them. When silence resumed Skip gave himself a little pat on the back. Now that shut them up. "Ummm, excuse me?" Cordelia asked Skip in complete disbelief. Angel had the same look on his face he gets whenever Fred tries to explain anything physics related. Confusion laced with pure terror. "You're pregnant with Angels child Cordelia, congratulations." Skip was smiling at the two, Angel was looking at Cordelia, Cordelia was staring at the wall, Fred was smiling from ear to ear and Gunn was as confused as ever. Some things don't change. "OK, I'm a little lost here, since when have you two been doing the naked pretzel?" Gunn spoke up only to have his girlfriend swat his arm. "What? Like you aren't thinking it too." He whispered to Fred. "Why don't we go get some ice cream Gunn!" Fred said a little too enthusiastically, dragging him out of the hotel, "Cordelia, if you need me I've got my mobile." She gave a wave then was gone. Fred knew they weren't helping by being there. "I don't....how can....we haven't...." Cordelia stuttered pulling her gaze away from the front door. "And yet you are." "It doesn't make any sense!" "Cordelia since when has your life ever made sense. You're both getting a second chance. This is a good thing, enjoy it. I have to go, you know how it is, people to see. I'll be back in a couple of days, Cordelia go to this address, it's a Doctor that works with the PTB, she knows about your situation. She's expecting you. Angel, look after your woman." And with that Skip vanished.  
  
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Ten minutes later Angel and Cordelia were still sitting in the lobby office, unable to look, let alone talk to each other. Angels morning had started the same way as it had for the last few weeks, wake up, go down stairs, find Cordelia and smile. He missed his son so very much, but he was slowly beginning to accept that he had lost his chance at being a father. He was dealing with it and trying to move on, like they all were. Angel knew Connor wasn't going to come back to him, Holtz had trained him too well. He had lost his son and his heart was broken. And now he was being given a second chance. "Cordelia, we need to talk." Angel finally spoke up. "I...I'm going home." Cordelia ignored him and set off for the front door again. She almost made it to the door this time, either she was getting faster or Angel was losing his touch. "Please Cordelia, we need to talk about this, we're having a baby, you can't run away from this." Angel pleaded with her. "Let me go Angel." She said steadily. "Cordy please!" "WHY?" She screamed. "I think that's blazingly clear Cordelia!" The young woman sagged, she hated it when he used logic against her. "I need to go home, I need to get in to bed and hide until all this is cleared up." "You're staying here where I can look after you both." Angel took her hand and pulled her towards the stairs. "Both?"  
  
"You and the baby." Angel explained. "Oh no no no no! I don't need looking after. This is just another mistake made by those dumbarse powers, you mister are going to go find them tonight and sort this all out." Cordelia shook her head and snatched her hand away from him.  
  
"I don't think there's anything to sort out Cordelia. This is a gift, and I don't think you can really return it.Cordy we're going to have a baby!" Angel smiled at her. He was happy about this, in fact he was down right deliriously insanely over the moon about this. "What happened to me being too young and stupid to have a baby huh? How has that changed exactly? Because apparently you're the freaking father! Hello? We haven't slept together! And you had better stop grinning like a fool before I beat the ever loving crap out of you, I may be pregnant but I can still kick your arse!" "HA! So you accept that you are pregnant then!" Angel carried on grinning. "No...I... I mean....dammit Angel! This is so wrong.Can you not see the wrongness of this all!." "Give me one reason why this is so wrong." "We're not together. You're a vampire that has a tendency to go homicidal when getting jiggy with it. I'm half demon on permanent call to the PTB. We live in LA. I'm not the mothering type. Dangerous jobs, bad hours. We are not financially comfortable to have a kid. I can't even look after the office plants with out killing them. I'm too young. You're too old. Mystical pregnancies very rarely end well!" Cordelia ran out of breath. "OK, I only asked for one reason." "Look Angel..."  
  
"I want us to have this baby and be a family. Is that such a dreadful thing?" "You only want this because you lost Connor." Cordelia didn't mean to sound so heartless but she needed him to let her go. She saw the pain wash over his face, she had hurt him and it showed. Angel ran his hand through his hair and let out an unnecessary sigh. "That's harsh Cordelia. I miss my boy, I always will. This child isn't a replacement for Connor. I want this child because I'm in love with you and nothing in the world would make me happier than to be with you and our baby. But if this isn't what you want I'll find the powers and....I'll talk to them." He looked at her for a second then turned and went upstairs.  
  
Angel sat in his reading chair, his eyes were closed but he wasn't asleep. He wasn't sure he would ever sleep again. They had been given the chance to do something so wonderful, so amazing he could almost taste it. And yet Cordelia wanted to run from it. It was true that Cordelia and himself weren't actually romantically involved in the biblical sense, but in all other respects they both knew they belonged to each other. Well Angel knew. He wasn't so sure about Cordelia anymore. Maybe he was just assuming that it would only be a matter of time until they would be together. Maybe I've got this completely wrong. As he looked around his dimly lit room he wondered why Cordelia would want to spend the rest of her life here with him. Hell, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with him, why the hell should she? And yet even in here Cordelia had slowly begun to infiltrate his life, her black sweater was on the chair next to the bed from where she had left it there two nights ago after they'd stayed up till late playing cards. Her Barbara Kingsolver book was on the coffee table, another casualty of her 'make sure Angel doesn't brood too much' plan. There was even a hair tie of hers on the floor. She surrounded him and he loved it. Cordelia eased his broken soul and he would move heaven and earth to make her happy. If being pregnant isn't what she wanted....then Angel would sort it out, no matter how it hurt him to. The only thing that was stopping him from breaking down and crying was the fact that she was still in the building, he could faintly hear her heart beat and smell her perfume. At least she hadn't run out straight away. "Hey man, I forgot something earlier." Skip breezed out of Angels bathroom as though it were the most normal thing in the world. "You know most people use the front door." Angel said in his trade mark dead pan timbre. Skip poured two glasses of bourbon and sat down opposite the vampire, making himself at home. "What like you've never climbed in through a girls window? Did you ever use that Summers girls front door at all?" Skip smiled at him. "Skip are you going to make a pass at me?" "I think the fair Cordelia would have something to say about that if I did." The messenger from the PTB laughed. "I wouldn't be so sure." Angel frowned and knocked back his drink without flinching. "So, you forget your car keys or something?" "Huh? Oh right, no, I forgot to tell you something. The divine powers have decided to give you a permanent soul."  
  
"Skip you really need to work on your delivery." "Yeah I know, I never get the reaction I expect. It's starting to get disheartening. Just once I would love a 'oh how wonderful! thank you so much!' Instead I get blank looks. Not much job satisfaction." On the outside Angel looked calm and collected, bored even, but on the inside he was so happy he thought he might throw up. "What's the catch?" Angel asked suspiciously, he knew you never got anything for free in life, there was always a catch. "No catch. Just be happy." "I don't understand. Why is all this happening?" He still couldn't believe it all. "Because things have happened that shouldn't have and it's time the powers sorted out their mistakes. This isn't your Shanshu Angel, this is wrongs made right. It's up to you what you do with it." Skip stood up and nodded at him, walked into the bathroom and was gone. My soul is permanent and the woman I love is having my baby.  
  
"Bloody hell!" Angel finally broke into a smile and laughed.  
  
Cordelia sat on the stairs in the lobby, she still hadn't decided if she was going to leave or go on upstairs. Today wasn't a good day for making decisions. Sometimes Cordelia could just not believe her life, she went to school on a demon infested hell mouth, she had fallen in love with the school clown who subsequently ripped out her still beating heart and nailed it to a wall, in the metaphorical sense of course. Moved to LA, inherited killer visions, made princess of another dimension, nearly died a couple million times all with the finest surrogate family collected around her that she could wish for. Her life was half complete insanity and half fairy tale and now it was getting ten times weirder. I'm pregnant and Angel is in love with me. She thought to herself. Most girls would kill for this, so why am I running scared? Cordelia rubbed her eyes tiredly, it was half past twelve in the after noon and she was exhausted. Everything was happening so quickly, it felt like she couldn't breathe, but Cordelia knew she had to go upstairs and talk to Angel. There were two of them involved in this whether she liked it or not. Sighing she lifted her weary body up the stairs towards Angels room, a room she knew almost as well as her own apartment. Cordelia knocked lightly on the door, when she heard no reply she walked in anyway. "Angel?" She called out softly when she realised he wasn't in there, she heard the shower running in the bathroom and decided to wait until he came out. Cordelia realised as soon as she sat on the bed that it was a mistake, before she knew it she had laid down and her eyes were closing, asleep before she could stop herself. This is what Angel found twenty minutes later when he surfaced from the bathroom, and the sight warmed him far more than any hot shower ever could. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep for a moment, she looked so beautiful and peaceful he didn't want to wake her but the urge to find out why she had come into his room was too strong. He ran his thumb across her cheekbone and watched as she slowly stirred. For a second she looked like the carefree girl he had met six years ago who's only concern was whether her hair matched her shoes, but as she gradually came to the events of the past three years settled over her face and she became the woman he had fallen in love with. "Hey." Cordelia said as she shifted so she was sitting up next to him. She realised she should be feeling uncomfortable, they were sitting so close, the vampire was shirtless, only wearing jeans that were unbuttoned at the top. Half naked and yet she felt completely at ease here with him. "Your hair is all fluffy." Cordelia smiled at him, she loved it when he went without his beloved hair gel, it made him look like a big teddy bear. Angel looked down and ran his hand through his hair a little embarrassed. "How do you feel?" Angel asked her. "Tired and pregnant. You?" Cordelia laughed which made Angel sigh with relief, at least she isn't so mad anymore. "You know when I was little I wanted to live in a castle and be a princess." She said almost to herself. "Well you got half of that. Albeit it was of a completely different dimension to this."  
  
"True. What I'm saying is that this isn't the life I envisioned for myself when I was a little girl." "I don't think anyone gets the life they wish for, it doesn't work that way." "But this is so far from anything I ever imagined." Cordelia said sadly, she wasn't the maudlin type, that was more of a certain slayers style, but things had been brewing inside her recently, things that she needed to say. "I'm sorry." Angel felt guilty for dragging her in to his world. "Angel,' she sighed, 'I have made my own decisions, I have chosen this path. You have nothing to be sorry for, I am here with you because it's what I want to do, it's just.....sometimes it's so hard. Our lives are so full of pain Angel, pain and darkness. We have lost so many people we have loved, Doyle, Connor, Wesley, even the scoobies to an extent. Most of them might not be dead, but sometimes it feels that way. The things we've seen....what we've done...how can we bring a child in to this world? How can I protect it from all the bad...I'm not strong enough to do that." Cordelia finished in a whisper, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. "We can do it together. Cordelia, you're not on your own." Angel whispered back, brushing the tears away from her cheek with his thumb. "But it's not as simple as that, we don't get to ride off in to the sunset Angel. This isn't a fairy tale, we won't get a happy ending." Angel moved away from Cordelia, his heart twisting in two. "So you've made up your mind then." Angel muttered bitterly. Cordelia reached out for his arm to stop him before he walked away. "I'm scared Angel." Her frightened words stopped him instantly. Before he even thought about it Angel pulled her close to him and enveloped her in his arms, he felt Cordelia shake with heavy sobs as she buried herself into his embrace. After a while she gained composure of herself but didn't move away from him, it felt so good to have the man she loved hold her. He was rubbing the small of her back and it felt so tender that she thought she might start to cry again. And he smelt good, very very good. Cordelia sighed contentedly, if only we could stay this way forever. "You OK?" Angel mumbled into her hair. "Mmmm." "Do you want me to take you home?" Angel asked tentatively, hoping and praying with all of his now wonderfully permanent soul that she'd say no. "I'm kinda liking it here right now." She murmured. Thank you thank you thank you, Angel grinned. Angel realised that if he held her like this for much longer he was going to cross the line they had been tightrope walking for so long. He could hear the deep thud thud of Cordelia's increasing heart beat and feel her breathing deepening. Cordelia was being as affected by their proximity as he was. Angel wanted nothing more than to lie down with this woman and show her how much he loved her, lose himself inside her and make her cry out his name. But instead he kissed her hair and pulled gently away from her. He could have sworn he heard her growl. "Cordy, what are we going to do?" Angel pushed the issue. "I don't know." She told him honestly, "This is all so backwards." "Backwards?"  
  
"Yeah, you know, it's meant to go date, kiss, sex, marriage, children. We've started at the end." "You wanna go on a date with me?" Angel said dumbly. Cordelia smiled warmly at her dork of a vampire. "I think we're a little far gone for that one Angel. I can't believe I'm pregnant and we haven't even had the sex yet. So much for all those sex talks mama made me listen to." She rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation. "So you were planning on having sex with me?" Angel raised his eyebrow at the seer. She blushed when she realised what she'd said. "When I said 'yet' I meant....what I mean is..... I didn't.....damn." Cordelia gave up and just shrugged. "You're an attractive man-pire, of course I've thought about it. I bet there isn't a woman you've met that hasn't had bad naked thoughts about you Angel, why should I be the exception to the rule? And try not to let that go to your head. " "Oh." Angel said a little crestfallen. "So I'm just a piece of man meat to you then?" "Yeah, that's exactly it, c'mon be serious Angel." She made a face at him but stopped when she saw the look on his face. "I am being serious Cordy, you know how I feel about you. I love you, no, I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time now, and the thought of being with you and raising a family makes me happier beyond belief. But I have no idea how you really feel about me." There was a easy silence for a few moments as Cordelia looked at the sweet man sitting next to her, how can he not know? Can he really be that dense? Mind you I never have actually told him. Oops. Angel was starting to get nervous at the way she was looking at him, he had a horrible feeling Cordelia was about to punch him. So you can imagine his surprise when the most beautiful women he had ever been blessed to know leant forward and gently kissed him. It was the most chaste and pure moment of Angels long life and over far too quickly for his liking. "Of course I'm in love with you Angel, how on earth could I not be?" She said as she leant her forehead against his. Angel beamed at her, how she loved it when he let himself go and just smiled. He took her face in his hands and gazed at the soft full lips that only seconds before had been kissing him. Now that he'd tasted them he wanted more. Whereas their first kiss was chaste this kiss held all the passion and desire they both felt, Cordelia gripped Angels biceps tightly as Angel tried to devour her, she felt his cool sweet tongue glide along her bottom lip, begging for entrance, they both moaned low as they deepened the kiss, giving themselves up to what they were feeling. Angel snaked his hand up and down her side, casually brushing the underside of Cordelia's breast with his knuckles, making her sigh at the feather light touch. Angel dragged himself away from the kiss, remembering that Cordelia needed to breathe, her skin was flushed and her chest was rising and falling heavily with the effort of gaining her breath. Angel had to keep on tasting her, he kissed along her jaw line and down her neck where he could feel her blood beating through her veins, Cordelia groaned loudly when she felt him graze his teeth lightly across her skin. "Angel." She murmured when she felt him cup her breast and run his thumb over her already hard nipple. Cordelia shivered deliciously and pressed herself closer to him. She was beginning to feel dizzy with lust, she ran her hand over his denim clad thigh and kneaded the flesh underneath, the purr Angel elicited at the touch sent more shivers down her spine.  
  
"Oh God Cordelia, I love you so much." Angel said as he nipped at her earlobe. "I love you too...mmmmm." Was all Cordelia could as Angel slipped his hand underneath her shirt. It was at this point Cordelia realised that she had somehow found her way on to Angels lap, straddling him in such away that it quickly became apparent to the young woman how much Angel wanted her. Cordelia placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away gently when she realised exactly what they were doing. "Angel,"she panted, "we can't." But the vampire pulled her back towards him and started running kisses along her collar bone until he met with the opening at the top of her shirt. Angel didn't bother with undoing every single of those damn fiddly buttons, instead he just pulled the shirt open and watched the buttons fly. If Cordelia could form a coherent thought at this moment she would have told him off, it was an expensive top! Instead she let out another low moan as Angel ran his tongue along the dip between her breasts while he moved his hands over her butt, pulling her down closer on to him. As she began to grind herself down onto him she remembered why they couldn't do this. "Angel stop! We can't." Cordelia pulled herself away from him and removed herself from his lap, tugging together what was left of her shirt. Angel looked dazed at the loss of the warm body that was suddenly removed from him. He reached out for her again but she moved away. "Cordy please." Angel whined. "We can't, you know we can't." Cordelia sighed. The whole 'no sex in case of return of homicidal killer alter-ego' is going to be a problem, She said to herself. Cordelia got of the bed and walked across the room, trying to put as much space between herself and the vampire. "Are you scared we'll hurt the baby?" Angel said as he shifted uncomfortably, his jeans unusually tight in certain areas. "Err more like the thought of you going all happy and killing everyone we love!" Cordelia couldn't believe he'd forgotten about the curse. "Huh? Oh, right." Angel mentally kicked himself, I probably should have told her about the soul glue as soon as she woke up. "Umm, Cordy, honey, I have something to tell you. It's...you might want to sit down." He said seriously  
  
"Are you dying?! No, wait, you're already dead. Pretend I didn't say that. Does this involve a blonde of any type? Cos if it does, so help me Angel I will actually kill you dead." Cordelia narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "No blondes Cordy, I swear. Skip came back to see me, he had some more news. About my soul." Angel grinned at her. "What is it?!" She almost squealed. "They've made it permanent." "They've....your.....no more....we can!" Cordelia did squeal this time, she shot across the room and launched herself at the now permanently ensouled vampire. "You can be happy Angel, happy!" She laughed as she planted warm kisses all over his face. Angel was happy, utterly blissfully happy but the only thing holding him back at this moment was the uncertainty Cordelia felt about being pregnant. Thinking about Cordelia's current situation brought Angel back to earth, he gripped her round the waist and rolled them both over, Cordelia felt Angels mood change and stopped maniacally kissing him. "Angel, what is it?" She held his face between her hands. "I am happy Cordy, but I just need to know what's going to happen...' He laid his hand on the young woman's belly, 'about this. I know you're scared but you'll be a wonderful mother, I know you will." Cordelia turned her face away from him and let her hands fall to her sides, Angel knew he shouldn't be pushing this now but he just couldn't help it. He had to know. "Cordy?" "I don't want to give birth to the next destroyer or saviour of the world Angel. I want a normal, happy, healthy child." She finally said honestly. "You don't know...." He started. "And nor do you Angel." "Cordelia do you want this child?" Angel asked her plainly. "I....yes....Angel I do, I've never wanted anything more, but....." Cordelia trailed off. "But what Cor?" He laid his head down on her chest and wrapped his arms around her. "Things don't end well for us Angel, I can't face losing this child to some demonic dark force from hell." She ran her fingers through his hair and rubbed his scalp lightly. "Nothing will harm this child, I won't make that mistake again." Cordelia felt the tension grip his body and felt dreadful for saying what she had. "I didn't mean it like that Angel." She apologised softly. "You loved your boy but it just wasn't meant to be, it's not your fault. Please Angel, no more guilt." Cordelia snaked her leg around him in an unabashed show of trust and comfort. They laid in silence for a long while, Cordelia running her hands up and down the strong muscles on Angel's back and Angel listening to the sweet life giving sound of Cordelia's heart beat. "I want this Angel, I want to be with you and have this child." Cordelia finally broke the silence with a whisper. Angel answered her with a kiss full of joy. "Are we really going to do this?" Angel asked one last time to make sure. Cordelia smiled and nodded gleefully, relieved that she had made the decision. "Sure?" "Yes Angel." "Positive?" "Yes!" "Certain?"  
  
"Angel! Quit it!" Cordelia shouted at him playfully. "Just making sure. Do you think that maybe we can get back to what we started now?" He smiled and began to kiss her once again. "Mmmmm." Angel took that as a yes.  
  
the end. 


End file.
